You know you’re getting old when:

You know you’re getting old when:

1. Your fingernails are so desiccated that you have to use the edge of a dime to get your pocket knife open.

2. It takes so long to get your pocket knife open that when you get it open you can’t remember what you were going to do with it.

3. The length of time between the time your body informs you that it is time to excrete fluids from your body and the time when your body begins to excrete is measured in milliseconds.

4. Deciding that you have not been adequately embarrassed by the excretion differential noted above, your doctor prescribes a diuretic (usually furosimide- the name sounds almost as wicked as the product) in order to make the flow of fluid from your body even less predictable and more forceful than it already is.

5. Walking is painful, but less painful than standing, or sitting with the knees bent. (three cheers for supine).

6. Your feet are so subject to pain that pre-medicating and inspecting the feet for damage makes the process of putting on shoes and stockings take more time than the other members of the family use to shower, get dressed and be ready for the day.

7. The bows that with which you have tied your shoes successfully for many years seem to loosen an untie constantly unless they are now double tied or otherwise “glued” in place.  Even then, at least twice a day someone informs you that your shoes are untied.

8. The zipper on your pants-fly seems to have been affected by gravity, causing your children and grandchildren to whisper, often, with only a slight smirk, “Zip up your fly.”

9. When you are rushing through the Atlanta airport, get to the train that takes you from area to area, and, upon entering the train, a mature woman with grey hair gets up and offers you her seat.