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Three score and ten or more

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Getting away from the funeral (which will be on Saturday, and I am providing a roasted Boston Butt which is the same thing I provided for a family meal when my friend's wife passed away a few months ago) to some general coot stuff (My brother prefers geezer in this case.)

As a male grows up he has the gender advantage in the method of waste elimination from the body. A large percentage of his waste elimation can be done standing, sometimes in a bathroom, sometimes behind a tree, sometime alone in a snowy waste where he can draw pictures with his liquid elimination. Most girls would be amazed and discusted by the method and practices of most little boys in the elmination business. It is not the boys fault that he has been favored in his natural plumbing.

As boys grow up, they are taught by their mothers to lift the lid on the toilet before "going". This is done because boys are sometimes inaccurate when they "go", whether accidentally or on purpose, and girls resent having to suffer the indignities of their natural plumbing while sitting in a place that has been naturally baptized by the favored boy.

The problem with lifting the lid is that, for adequate service to others it must be lowered as well.
Probably the most common complaint heard by the male of the species who has to share the facilities with the female is that "You didn't put the lid down."

Like most males my instinctive reaction to this complaint (though usually unspoken, because a female of any age can make the male life miserable if such is desired)was always the inner thought "If I must lift the lid, why can't you be responsible for noticing that it is lifted and put it down yourself, why yell at me?"

One of the things young men don't consider in this thought is that when coothood or geezerhood comes along, it is often accompanies by certain physiological changes. These do not mean that the old practice of standing elimination becomes impossible, or uncomfortable, it just means that sometimes it becomes embarrassing. It is amazing how fluid that used to just whiz out to the receptical now, on occasion runs down the outside or inside surface of the leg and causes bystanders to snicker or point as one walks through the supermarket. It also means that as coothood or geezerhood progresses, the frequency of the elimination process increased exponentially.

This is the long way of saying that sometimes a geezer, if he is practical, chooses to sit, rather than stand in this formerly casual process.

I now have two of my adult sons working with me in my house to finish remodelling, building my studio, and things like that. These sons, like their father, sometimes forget to PUT THE LID DOWN, and I have discovered in the last few weeks why my wife, my sisters, and all the other females with whom I have shared accomodations in my life were so darn ticky about this put the lid down business. If any of my sons reads this, in fact if any of my male progeny read this may I use this moment to encourage them to PUT THE LID DOWN WHEN YOU ARE FINISHED. The feel of cold porcelain when one is distressed and in a hurry anyway is neither comfortable or fun. I used to go in a house where the matron of the household had a sign over the commode which said " DAMMIT, AIM OR SIT." I now understand her feelings.

5 Comments:

At 8:21 AM, Blogger Patrick Joubert Conlon said...

Last year I read that one town in Germany made it the law that men had to sit to pee.

 
At 10:49 AM, Blogger Three Score and Ten or more said...

That brings up as many fantasies as the Google sewer-broadband. I have visions of plain clothes cops hanging out in men's restrooms. An anti-restrooms sex corps? No, they are the Pee Police.

 
At 9:39 PM, Blogger Jacque Uetz said...

My rule has always been all lids down, so that means even the females are to close the lid ..only fair doncha think??
Cute topic teehee!!

 
At 4:55 AM, Blogger Mahndisa S. Rigmaiden said...

04 11 08

Hehhehehe Now that is so true but funny Richard. My husband and I are forever having this debate, so he tends to use one bathroom while I use the other!

Sorry to hear about the funeral of your church acquaintance. On another note, your dishes sound exquisite:)

Glad to see you around and good to know you and Jan are fine:)

 
At 1:31 PM, Blogger Norma said...

Reading a recent issue of JAMA I see this is a problem called "urodynamics." Doesn't that sound like a Buick or something? Anyway, when they searched the literature, they didn't come up with studies on men--I think you guys need to speak up as you put the seat down.

 

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