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Three score and ten or more

Saturday, August 19, 2006

New Coothood Ruminations.

I should have titled this more carefully. What I really want to write about is Geezer Fashions. It is not that Geezers and Coots don’t have fashion sense, but the nonsense that is involved in general fashion becomes immediately apparent to the geezer or geezerette as the true zen of geezerhood sets in..

For instance, some semi-repentant hippie got an internship at GQ forty or fifty years ago, and immediately began to add touches of Hippie fashion to GQ. One of the first subversive fashions was to come to the ridiculous conclusion that one can’t wear socks with open toed sandals. It is not the fault of the rest of the world that this dimwit hippie leftover had gotten so used to sand under his toenails and dust and/or gravel between the toes and the space between the insole of the shoe and the arch of the foot, that he couldn’t abide anyone having sandals and still keeping the foot protected and comfortable,. He obviously didn’t know that in the scriptures one of the great blessings spoken of by the Messiah was the washing of feet. That was because, in that time, NO ONE had stockings to wear beneath the sandals.. If they, at the time, had experienced the comfort of stockings, the washing of feet, while respectable and beneficial would not have been regarded a such a great blessing.

Now when one is in the pre-geezer state, he is sufficiently influenced by the chastening power of GQ and Esquire that he is willing to put up with the abrasive qualities of sandal leather along with the drying and cracking of the skin when over exposed to the elements.
The realization that bare feet gather and distribute fungi and bacteria randomly to everything that is contacted by the foot seems less important than standing by the standards imposed by self important “fashion experts.”

As long as we are talking about feet, did you know that there are otherwise sane people who not only advocate the wearing of open toed sandals without socks, but those who would encourage others to wear closed toe, regular shoes without socks. Sneakers or boat shoes that can be tossed into the washing machine with regularity are not totally disgusting but there are actually those who wear regular leather shoes without socks (which could be washed). Can you imagine the athlete’s foot fungus, the toe jam, the oft shed cells of skin mixing together in this unwashed and unwashable leather cauldron of yuck. These are the same people who look askance at the geezer wearing walking shorts who has the wisdom to cover his feet with socks; even black socks if that is what it takes to protect society and his feet from that kind of corruption.

As one approaches the magnificent state of geezerhood, and realizes that unprotected aging and drying skin can be worn right through to the bone by direct contact with the rough side of leather, and that if one has those side effects of age called diabetes or peripheral neuropathy, that wear can create ulcers that, often un-healable, result in the loss of toes, feet, even ---- what can I say? Without even bothering to touch upon the other oft criticized, but truly salutary elements of geezer fashions like suspenders, elasticized waist bands and walking shorts that open the scars of bypass surgery and varicose veins to healthy sunlight, I leave now to go for a walk in comfortable elastic waist band walking SHORTS held up with suspenders, with white athletic socks upon my feet, under my favorite Birkenstock sandals. NYYAAAH N NYAAH NAH.
I will deal with the reasonableness, the comfort, health and super styles of other appropriate geezer fashions on another occasion


At 9:46 AM, Blogger Kathleen said...

I love you, Richard! You are a treasure to this good earth. I haven't laughed so much in a "coons age". (Where did that come from?) However, I am of the "hippie" era and have spent a lifetime not wearing socks. Now, I think I have been traumatized! I am feeling separation anxiety. I am being ripped from my ever so fashion conscious self to a deeper need to remove the burning image from my mind of my feet surrounded by dead skin cells mixed with mold, mildew and fungus. Phew! And, ewwwwwww!

Doctor, I need a doctor.

At 1:21 PM, Blogger Patrick Joubert Conlon said...

I tried wearing shoes without socks once and realized it was a mistake. It's like sleeping in a bed with no sheets.

At 5:55 PM, Blogger Gayle said...

I love you too, Richard! Geezerhood Fashions! You should start a store for Geezers. This was wonderful and funny reading. But you do have a very valid point, and I hope you continue to wear, and enjoy, your socks. For those who think they look weird, just wait until they get older; they'll change their tune in a hurry!

At 4:00 PM, Blogger Saur♥Kraut said...

I'm with you on the socks/closed toe shoe thing. Bleah.

You know, my 13-yr old son (SaurKid) is one of those easy-going mildly nerdy types. I'm VERY proud of this and quite relieved that he's not some obnoxious looks-obsessed teen. He wears white socks with black dress shoes almost everywhere we go. I have friends who ask why I allow this, but I'm very happy that he's happy and it's SO small in the grand scheme of things. And, happily, he DOES wear socks.


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