Ruminations on Coothood, part whatever.

It’s one of those days when one (or at least this one) meditates on the advantages and disadvantages of Coothood. Pain, diagnosis and prognosis are all felt differently and treated differently by age and by the changes evoked by the MARCH OF TIME.

Beginning while I was in high school, I have had all the symptoms that are now recognized as carpal tunnel syndrome. Of course, at that time there was no such thing as carpal tunnel syndrome. As a result, when my fingers turned tingly and numb and useless so that I couldn’t hold on to things, I had: truck driver’s shoulder, where my deltoids and some other muscle had over developed and were cutting off the blood to my fingers; or when I had excruciating pain in my forearm and hands, I had gout, or - - - - something else. Over the years Chiropractors have vibrated and shocked me electrically, then massaged the heck out of both arms and back (even if it doesn’t cure, it makes you feel good), for gout, doctors made me quit eating anything that tasted good, in addition to peas, beans and lentils. I’ve had xrays, examinations, held on to little aluminum bars that had low voltage electricity, and had surgery recommended to free up the blood flow from my shoulders to my hands.

Now that they have discovered Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, it is too late for me. I now have an acquired peripheral neuropathy that mimics many of the Carpal Tunnel symptoms and even passes them on to my feet and legs. When I was having an EMG (I don’t have a clue what the letters stand for, but it is a diagnostic tool where they stick a needle on a nerve at the top of your leg, an electrode on the appropriate toe then shoot electrical current between the two, and measure the length of time it took to get from the needle to the toe- - - or, the needle in the arm and the electrode on the finger and do the same thing, it is probably the most fun you can have without receiving a root canal without anesthetic) the technician looked at me and said “Boy, you have the worst case of Carpal Tunnel I have ever measured.” When I asked my doctor about it, she chuckled. “It is now just part of the neuropathy, and the treatments are completely different”. I had to admit, the type of pain from the carpal tunnel is no longer in my arms (the fingers still turn numb sometimes) but now is on the bottoms of my feet.

New rumination! I wonder what capsasin (pepper) ointment would have felt like on my feet when they were healthy. Now I spread it on liberally to cut the burning. If anyone wants to try capsasin on their healthy feet and describe the sensation, I am open to reading it.

Day before yesterday I was visiting my daughter and reached upward for a book. My hand locked in place with my thumb immovably set by the side of my fingers. “I’m afraid my hand is paralyzed.” I said to my wife, so she took my hand and unlocked the fingers, moved my thumb and everything worked well. I had two more similar seizures the next day, so, first thing upon arriving home I ran to the doctor to be healed of my paralysis. “It is just a cramp” he says. “Those types of things are frequent in people who are----- over fifty or so, it is a little like when you stretch out your toes before getting out of bed and get a cramp in your foot. A lot of older people get them in the middle finger of the hand.” (I didn’t want to pursue that one, but, all in all, I prefer the cramp in my thumb). It is a bit discouraging, gout becomes Carpal Tunnel, becomes a neuropathy, and paralysis becomes a cramp.. I just don’t get no respect, that’s all there is to it. But then, I think coothood brings on a combined tolerance and lack of respect that is always a bit irritating. In my next life I think I am going to be Japanese, or Korean where, when you reach coothood everybody bows to you. Or not?????